Late Night Snark: Funny if it weren't true

This is the second edition of Late Night Snark for your reading pleasure.

I've stolen this (almost wholesale) from Daily Kos' Bill in Portland Maine.

Thanks Bill, hope you don't mind me showing my sincerest form of compliment...

"This week, all the Republican candidates will be coming to California to debate each other at the Reagan Library. The winner will then be selected by Exxon-Mobil."
---Jay Leno

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"The Republican presidential debate was held tonight in California, and ten candidates took part. Political experts say that the ten Republican candidates represented all races, creeds, and colors of rich white men."
---Conan O'Brien

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"Four years ago, the president stood on the deck of an aircraft carrier and announced 'Mission Accomplished.' Two years later, the president appointed one of the main architects of that mission, Paul Wolfowitz, to head the World Bank. Because when someone has been completely wrong about everything, ya gotta put him where he can't do any harm...like in charge of the world's poor."
---Jon Stewart

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"Former CIA director George Tenet has a new book where he says there was no serious debate within the administration about going into Iraq. It'll hit the stores on Monday, under the title: No Shit."
---Bill Maher

Funny: But Too Bad It's True

"On Capitol Hill, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales raised his right hand, swore to tell the truth, and then everybody had a good laugh and went back to what they were doing."
---Jay Leno
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"News has just broke that the administration is seeking a high-powered "war czar" to oversee the campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan. So there you have it folks---five years into the global war on terror the president believes it is now time for someone to be in charge of it."
---Jon Stewart
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"Rudy Giuliani got in trouble because, y'know that presidential question they ask: "What's the price of a gallon of milk?" He didn’t know. That doesn’t bother me, really, if a president doesn’t know. What I want to know [is], does the president know the price of a war with Iraq?"
---Craig Ferguson
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"Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter has filed papers to run for president. But in his official filing, he misspelled the word 'president.' Political experts say it's all part of Hunter's plan to attract Bush supporters."
---Conan O'Brien
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"It was announced that Hooters would open one of its restaurants in Israel this summer. So much for keeping the meat separate from the dairy."
---Amy Poehler
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"In 200 years, we've gone from "We the people," to "Up With People." From "the best and the brightest" to "dumb and dumber." And where better to find people dumb enough to believe in George Bush than Pat Robertson's law school? The problem here in America isn't that the country is being run by "elites." It's that it's being run by a bunch of hayseeds. And, by the way, the lawyer Monica Goodling just hired to keep her ass out of jail...went to a real law school."
---Bill Maher
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Thank you to Bill in Portland Maine for compiling the snark